The Dead Pool

Call me sick, but I am super excited to announce I have joined the Hookers and Booze Dead Pool.  You can find all the details here, but in a nutshell here’s the rules:

1) Pick 25 people you think will die in the next year.

2) Get points for each one that kicks the bucket.  Points are based off the person’s age (100 minus their age).  So there’s some strategy involved; you can pick old farts like B.B. King (86 years old) and the odds are good he’ll kick the bucket, but you only get 14 points for him.  However, if you roll the dice on Lindsay Lohan (25 years old) you stand to rake in 75 big points.

Maybe I’m just a morbid asshole, or maybe my fantasy football team is just that bad this season (damn you, Matt Ryan, I was coutning on you to be huge!), but this is just about the most exciting thing I’ve got going in my life right now.  Well, that and my beloved Buffalo Sabres starting 5-1 this season.  I’ve put together my rough draft list, but I’m open to suggestions.  I’ve got until October 30th to make changes, so if anyone has any brilliant suggestions I’m not at all above sharing the credit.

Without giving away all of my names, here’s a few of my candidates:

–Joe Paterno- The oldest on my list by far.  The only way that guy leaves the coaching field is in a body bag.  And some Penn State fans are hoping for just that.

–Charlie Sheen & Lindsay Lohan- At 46, he’s the very definition of “low risk, high reward.”  At 25, Lohan is Sheen to the Nth degree.

–Metta World Peace (a.k.a. Ron Artest) & Allen Iverson- I’m betting the NBA lockout causes some serious self-destructive tendencies in many NBA stars.  Artest, er, I mean, Metta World Peace already seems to have fallen off the deep end.  As for Iverson, well, the only thing worse than losing an NBA season?  Not being able to find a job playing semi-pro ball in Kazakhstan because you lost your job to a locked out NBA player who isn’t quite washed up yet.

–Lil Wayne & The Game- I don’t know much about hip-hop, but I know rappers with big mouths don’t live very long.

–Pacman Jones- Haven’t heard much from him lately.  But he’s still a fuck-up, and he’s still a Bengal.  Neither of those tend to be good for life longevity.

–Michael Douglas, Roger Ebert & Courtney Love- Just playin’ the percentages here.

–Jenna Jameson- What do pornstars do when people stop whacking off to them?  I don’t know either, but I’m guessing they don’t start baking cookies.

–Rodney King- I know, I know, I’m a racist asshole.  But consider the facts: since the infamous police beating, King has been arrested twice (beating his wife and driving drunk), shot once (supposedly while someone was trying to steal his motorcycle), and appeared on two different celebrity rehab TV shows.  The man is a mess.

–Ronnie, Sammi, Snooki & Situation- I’m betting heavy on the Jersey Shore crew.  My dream scenario would be that Ron and Sam kill each other in a murder/suicide, and somehow a stray bullet takes out one of the others.  But not JWoww, it would be a shame to lose her fake breasts before their time.

–Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Hamid Karzai & Ali Abdullah-Saleh- It’s possible my biases against the Muslim world are showing through here.  But the entire Islamic world is being racked by supposedly Democratic protests and revolutions that are, in reality, just a worldwide uprising of Islamic fascism.  I’m betting that some of these leaders suffer the same fate as Qadaffi.

Honorable Mention- Some others I’ve been considering but haven’t made the cut just yet: Nick Nolte, Gary Busey, Chyna, the Dalai Lama, Bill Romanowski, Larry Merchant, Morgan Freeman, Kim Jong-Il, Keith Olbermann.

Please feel free to send me any suggestions.  There’s really only two rules you have to remember for this game, and I will quote the geniuses at Hookers and Booze for both:

–“No US political figures. The last thing I need is the fucking Secret Service seizing my server.”

–“If you are convicted of causing the death of any of the celebrities on your list, you forfeit the game. No cheating.”

Good luck!

May all your picks wind up like this guy!

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