Nagasaki Day and Other Random Thoughts

I feel kinda bad for Nagasaki.  You would think having an atomic bomb dropped on your would bring you a certain amount of notariety.  But kind of like the second man to walk on the moon (anybody?  anybody? Buzz Aldrin.), poor Nagasaki will always be the forgotten city.  But just remember this: Japan didn’t surrender after Hiroshima; it took Nagasaki for the emperor to come crawling on his knees begging MacArthur for mercy.

In other news, I’m settling in here in Minnesota.  Still no job but I’m workin’ on it.  The girlfriend is happy, the dogs are happy, so all in all things are going pretty well.

Last week we drove to downtown St. Paul to try an Italian place the girlfriend had heard good things about.  I love Italian food.  Maybe it’s because of The Godfather, but I’m pretty sure I could live on pasta indefinitely.  Unfortunately, this place was average at best.  But the good news is they make an excellent cannoli.

So the night wasn’t a total loss.  If I can find some Chicago style pizza this place might be liveable.

Lastly, fantasy football is coming up fast.  I admit I’m woefully unprepared this year.  Haven’t done the hours of research and numbers-crunching I usually do.  But most importantly, I need a new team name for my Minnesota-based franchise.  Any ideas?  Something about frozen wastelands or 10,000 algae-covered lakes, or mosquitos as big as small birds.  I’m open to suggestions.

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Random Thoughts and Funny Pics

Saw this picture the other day and couldn’t stop laughing.  Forget in-state tuition for illegals, this is why Rick Perry can never be President.  Are you kidding me?!?

But, to be fair, Governor Perry isn’t the only person who’s ever been caught in a bad photo.  Poor Michelle, that’s a very unfortunate plant placement!

Not all photos are unintentional.  Sometimes they’re staged.  Looks like this girl wants to be Tiger Woods’ mistress #37, or whatever number the lucky bastard is up to.  I wonder if he really makes that face in the bedroom…

That’s all I’ve got for today.  Have a good one!

Do You Really Care?

A quick post today about my newest pet peeve.

In surfing through some other people’s blogs looking for inspiration, I noticed a strange (to me) phenomenon: people reporting what they were listening to while writing their post.  Some people even go so far as to report how many cups of coffee they’ve had on the day of their post, or some other inane personal tidbit that is completely irrelevant to their actual post.

This got me wondering… I don’t care if the author was listening to U2 or Justin Bieber; if they were wearing their pajamas or a 3-piece suit; if they were sipping on an iced caramel latte or a Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper (although I do care if you were drinking a strong alcoholic beverage; that’s always good information to have).

The point, I guess, is that people should be reading blogs for content.  Would it make my stories better if I told you I wrote them sitting at my desk at work when I was supposed to be working on a big project?  Or that I masturbated three times while deciding which picture I wanted to post today to offend the Preacher’s Daughter?  (Just kidding, PK!)

Just for you, PK! Even gave it a southern flair for you. Go Georgia!

For the record, I wrote this post while listening to Jewel.  That’s right, Jewel.  She’s the greatest singer/songwriter of our generation.  I love her music and I’m not ashamed of it.

I was wearing slacks and a polo shirt today when I wrote this.  The blue of the polo shirt really sets off my eyes.  Or so I’ve been told.

I was drinking water from the drinking fountain, but in my stylish Buffalo Sabres Tervis Tumbler.

Oh, and I was wearing black briefs today, just in case you were wondering.  They give me support in all the right places so I don’t care what you think.  Laugh away, assholes.

Boba Fett, Apollo Creed and Luca Brasi Walk Into a Bar…

Ok, ok, I admit it.  The title of this blog is a shameless attempt to drive internet searches to my site.  But I do have a serious point to make.  Have you ever seen a movie where a minor character just jumps out at you and makes you wish the whole movie was about them?  Or at least that there would be a spin off to delve further into their bad-assedness?  I’ve put together my Top 5 list of such characters.

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Honorable Mention: Frank The Tank —

This one was actually a little tough for me, because since this iconic character Will Farrell has gone on to be the lead in several movies (Anchorman, Talladega Nights, Step Brothers) that don’t even come close to the high comedy of Frank The Tank in Old School.  I’ve come to the conclusion that Ferrell isn’t really cut out to be a leading man, he’s better as a sidekick.  And that’s why he doesn’t make the list.

But… if ever there was a Ferrell character that could carry a movie, it’s gotta be Frank The Tank.  Who wouldn’t want to see more of the screaming, streaking, beer bonging life of the party?

Best Quote: “It’s so good!  Once it hits your lips it’s so good!”

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5. Otto West —

The classic stereotype of the “ignorant American.”  If you haven’t seen A Fish Called Wanda you’re missing out.  Obnoxious, full of himself, unable to drive on the right, er, left side of the road, Otto is an inspiration and role model to all Americans who know we’re better than everyone else everywhere.  So don’t call me stupid.

Best Quote: “Oh, you English are so superior, aren’t you? Well, would you like to know what you’d be without us, the good ol’ U.S. of A. to protect you? I’ll tell you. The smallest fucking province in the Russian Empire, that’s what! So don’t call me stupid, lady. Just thank me.”

4. Fenster & McManus —

Cheating a little bit here by using two characters, but other than Keyser Soze himself who do you remember most from The Usual Suspects?  Such an odd pairing, the flaming gay Fenster; and McManus, the kind of violent criminal who seems more likely to perpetrate hate crimes against gays than partner up with them.  If they could get the same writer I’d love to see how these two criminals came to be so tight.

Best Quote (McManus): “Gimme the fuckin’ keys you fuckin’ cocksucker motherfucker alaghhhh!”

Best quote: (Fenster): “Oh, is that the one about the hooker with the dysentery?”

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3. Boba Fett —

No, I’m not a Star Wars nerd.  I mean, I like the movies and all, but I’m not obsessed with them or any other sci-fi flick for that matter.  But Boba Fett is still pretty bad ass (although he was admittedly more so before the second trilogy kind of douched him and his dad up).  Think about it, Boba Fett is the only character besides the Emperor that ever popped off to Vader and didn’t get immediately Jedi-choked.  He’s also the only character that Vader ever had to warn not to be too violent (“No disintegrations.”).  All in all, Boba is really the only anti-hero in the series, despite the best efforts to make Han Solo into one.

Best Quote: Not many to choose from, but we’ll go with “He’s no good to me dead.”

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2. Luca Brasi —

How tough do you have to be to be the chief enforcer for Don Corleone?  How tough do you have to be to scare the Godfather himself?  Pretty goddamn tough I’m guessing.  Luca is big, imposing, none-too-bright, and just reeks of violence.  If you’ve read Mario Puzo’s novel, where Luca’s backstory is elaborated upon a bit, you know he’s also pretty much a sociopath (I won’t give it all away, but let’s just say there’s a baby stuffed into an oven).  I’d pay to watch him kill people for two hours.

Best Quote: “Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your daught– ter’s wedding… on the day of your daughter’s wedding.  And I hope that their first child will be a masculine child.”

1. Apollo Creed —

Apollo is by far my favorite supporting character in all of movies.  He’s just so complex; think about it, we see a new side of him in every movie.  In the original Rocky he’s the heavyweight champion of the world; undefeated, never been knocked down and never had anyone go the distance against him.  He’s smart, educated, a businessman conscious of his brand.  He harbors no ill will towards Rocky, it’s just a marketing stunt.  Until… After the toughest fight of his career, his legacy threatened, Apollo becomes nasty in Rocky II.  Now he’s the ultimate bad guy athlete, determined to defend his legacy, everything else be damned.  By Rocky III, now retired, he shows his compassion by befriending his once-nemesis, helping Rocky climb back on top.  And to top it all off, come Rocky IV he proves himself to be not only a family man and a good friend but a patriot as well.  (Who would’ve thought, when you saw him dressed as George Washington in the original Rocky, that it was more than just a marketing stunt?)  When he dies in the ring at the hands of Drago it is a truly gut-wrenching moment.

Best Quote: “Get your cameras ready, he’s goin’ down!”

Well, that’s my list.  Who would you like to see?

Shopping for Blow Jobs

A woman that doesn’t give head is like a car without air conditioning.  Strictly speaking it’s still a fully functional car, but no man with any sort of options is going to choose a car with no air conditioning. 

Think about it: if you had a choice between a 2011 Lexus, fully loaded, fresh off the lot, but with no air conditioning, or a 1998 Chevy Aveo with Max Air, which one would you take?

Cool, stylish, makes you look cooler just by being around her. Or...

Swallows. The choice is yours.