You’re Fired

You always think it won’t happen to you.  No matter how many people you know that it’s happened to.  People smarter than you, people more tactful than you, people who don’t blog about sex and alcohol from work like you.

Laid off.  Eliminated.  Downsized.  Let go.  Fired.

However you want to put it.

It’s a humbling experience.  But you know what?  It’s going to be for the best.  First off, it’s going to get me out of this hellhole I call End Of The World, Utah.  No more waiting around for the perfect opportunity, the perfect job in the perfect city.  No choice now but to pull up stumps and get the fuck outta Dodge.  And second, I can now claim to be one of the millions and millions of Americans that lost their job under Obama!  The fact that this one isn’t really Obama’s fault –blame this job casualty on an Athletic Director presiding over the smallest budget in his conference but still pulling down the 3rd highest salary in the league– is irrelevant, I’m blaming it on him!  And in an election year too!

You’re welcome, America.

So while I don’t know what the future holds, I’m pretty excited to be closing this chapter.  My blogging may become a little more scarce in the next couple months, or maybe it will pick up once I join the ranks of the unemployed.  After all, I only have so much crap stored up on my DVR, and I CANNOT watch daytime TV.

Maybe I’ll start writing a novel.

Maybe I’ll get drunk.

Maybe I’ll get drunk and then start writing a novel.

Maybe I’ll watch so much porn I develop carpal tunnel syndrome and can never write again.

Anything is possible.  After all, this is still America.  And I still believe in the American Dream, even if that dream involves being a greeter at Walmart until something better comes along.  It will all work out in the end.  Don’t worry about me.



  1. I just started reading your blog so maybe I’m at fault……lol. Seriously, good luck with whatever you can come up with. A greeter just doesn’t sound all that good to me…..;-(……. I wish you well and I’ll give you a tip, stay away from Ohio, the weather sucks, jobs arnt plentiful and the ppl don’t really like conservatives. Oh by the way, great blog…..;-)

    • I’ve always liked Ohio, especially Columbus. But looks like we’re actually trying to find worse weather than Ohio by going to Minnesota.

  2. Holy shit, so sorry to hear this. Totally sucks ass. I like your atitude toward your new situation tho. Get drunk then find another job sounds like the perfect plan.

    My wife is an HR director for a major corporation here in NY. If you need any help just let me know. She can look over your resume if you want, she does that shit for a living.

    Anyway, good luck with the job hunt. I know you will be fine as you have the right atitude.

    I look forward to your next post.

    • Thanks buddy, I really appreciate it. I may just take you up on your offer, especially if I have to move out of collegiate athletics and try to find a job in the real world. May need a LOT of help with my resume then!

      • Seriously, if you want a job let me know. It is in Middletown NY and pays about 20 an hour. It is in a battery recycling plant..hard work…but pays well. Just putting it out there for ya.

      • I appreciate it, right now we’re looking towards the Midwest because that’s where we’re both from and the gf has her heart set on getting back to Minnesota. But you never know. Eastern Time Zone is the only one left in the lower 48 I haven’t lived in yet!

  3. That shit sucks. However I would stick to my advice on getting a sugar mama. If I know any I will let you know.

    • How ’bout I move in with you guys and be your lawn man? I bet Charlie would love two new dogs to play with!

      • Hey wait a minute here….We could use a pool boy/lawn man/ dog walker… Roxy would be thrilled! Rusty, well…I’m never quite sure what rusty is thinking or IF he is thinking 🙂

      • Nope, after what Rusty did to my dog we will NOT be moving into your place!!

  4. Helloooooo, TEXAS!!!!

    Just a suggestion. We have the Alamo. Also, UT ain’t far, and they got SHITLOADS of money for their athletics. But I understand the GF sitch. Give her my best, too, and tell her I am awesome and would LOVE to have y’all down here.

    It is about five blocks from the Sun, but we have A/C here 😀

    And O’Shea is a solid buddy, if’fn you want to go to the Northeast!!

  5. I must say, this probably is the best thing to get you out of that god (and liquor) forsaken place. If you want to move back to SD and go in as Prada’s cabana boy, I can get you work at my place. They won’t let us put chemicals in the bunnies eyes anymore, so we’re always looking for people who don’t value their sight! You’ve always got a place to crash.

  6. That really sucks, and I know how you feel. Take it easy and keep your head up, something better is always out there.

  7. Keep your head up bro. I am living proof that anything is possible in AMERICA.

  8. Also…..”Leave the gun and take the cannoli.”

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