The List, Part 4: The Dinner Party

This has proven to be my most difficult list yet.

I’ve been trying for awhile now to make a post about who I would invite to a dinner party.  (You know that old icebreaker question, “If you could invite x-number of people, living or dead, to a dinner party…”)  And maybe it’s because my head hasn’t been fully in it, but I’ve been struggling like a motherfucker with it.

So maybe you can help me.  Here’s a small list of some of my candidates.  Please give me suggestions, I’m sure I’m missing some great ones.  To make it easier I’ve broken them down into a couple categories.

Political Figures:

Ronald Reagan- Duh.  The greatest and most important man who ever walked this Earth.  (I don’t want to offend my religious readers, but even if you accept everything in the Bible as completely true, I still contend Reagan has saved more souls than Jesus.  There is not a human being on the planet today that does not owe their life, their freedom or both to Reagan.)

Ann Coulter- Her biting wit would make for an entertaining evening.  I’d probably have to invite at least one liberal just to let her rip on them.

Joseph McCarthy- Just so I could tell him thank you for everything he did.  One of the greatest and least understood Americans in our history.

Golda Meier- Possibly the only non-American that even has a chance at making my list (well, maybe Elle Macpherson in her prime).  Her famous quote, “We will have peace with the Arabs when they love their children more than they hate us,” is so shockingly brilliant and insightful, it sums up everything you need to know about Islam in one sentence.

Sports Figures:

Mike Ditka- Da Coach.  Not only does he know football but he’s brash and antagonistic.  Everything a good football coach should be.  Maybe we could bring Jim Harbaugh in for a cameo just so Ditka could yell at him some more for that stupid audible in the Metrodome.

Walter Payton-  The anti-Ditka?  The best running back ever and a genuinely decent human being.  My favorite pro football player ever, and that’s saying a lot considering I’m a defensive guy and don’t usually care for the offensive guys.

Chris Chelios- My favorite hockey player ever.  Tough as nails and a 4-time Olympian for Team USA.  A true warrior on the ice.

Entertainment Figures:

Jewel- My favorite musician.  Ever.  Stop laughing.

Humphrey Bogart- They just don’t make movie stars like Bogie anymore.  Although I hear he had some pinko leanings.  That might be fun to discuss over cocktails.  And then we could go beat up some Nazis together.

Jenny McCarthy- Funny as hell and a bodacious rack.  Two things any dinner party sorely needs to keep things interesting and entertaining.  If she’ll wear a bikini she’s guaranteed a spot at my table!

Historical/Military Figures:

Genghis Khan- Alright, maybe one more foreigner.  The greatest conqueror in the history of the world, and totally unappreciated for his progressive stances towards religious tolerance and meritocracy.

Douglas MacArthur- One of the most complex characters of the 20th Century.  His failure to defend the Philippines was one of the biggest catastrophes of World War II.  But his island-hopping march across the Pacific to defeat the Japanese was one of the crowning achievements of the war.  And he wanted to nuke North Korea, an idea that doesn’t get enough consideration today.

George Patton- He’s probably not as great a general as he’s been made out to be over the years, but his ego and outspokenness would sure make for good dinner talk.

Well, what d’ya think?



  1. Good call with Dutch. this doesn’t make me think about who I would invite though – it makes me think about what I would serve…Would you offer appetizers to Ghengis Khan? He seems more like a hearty steak kind of dude to me. Offer him crudite and he will open up some whoop ass right there!

    I will be very tolerant and not mention Jewel – talkin that kind of nonsense will get you cut where I’m from. Sorry, just try into be hood for a second!

    • Ghengis Khan likes Twinkies™. Didn’t you watch Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure?? 😉

      • Twinkies are universal adn cross every ethnic and language barrier known to mad. Send the North Koreans sa wonderful cocktail of Twinkies and Fudgie the Whale and you’ll see how quickly they stop with the nukes!

  2. Add an “authors” category. Can’t forget authors; I’m one…you, also.

    I’d invite Mark Twain. His wit would pair well with Coulter’s – and while she was distracted, I could check out her legs to see if they’re OK.

  3. I feel like jon Stewart would be great with AC there also. Whitty liberal. Awesomely angry. Hmmm….you should always have eye candy and if it is a model she won’t eat much anyways so it won’t hurt the budget.

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