My Dog is Trying to Kill Me

I’ve suspected for awhile that my dog McKenna is a demon.

We have two dogs in our apartment, they’re both shelter dogs and both mixes.  Our first dog, Patton, is half black lab and (they think) half heeler of some kind.  Basically she just looks like a smaller lab.  Patton is an angel; sweet, loving, whines a little too much, but other than that she’s damn near the perfect dog.  She’s about 3 years old and we’re pretty sure she was abandoned after she had a litter of puppies.  Her two favorite things in life are playing fetch with a tennis ball and cuddling up with me or anyone else that will pet her.

Patton. She was pretty undernourished when we got her, she's gained some weight since this pic and looks like a true lab.

We got McKenna about four months after Patton because she needed a playmate.  McKenna is also half black lab, and we’re guessing some kind of terrier because of the curve of his tail.  He pretty much looks like Patton’s younger brother, just a tiny bit taller and about 15 pounds lighter.  The shelter told us he had just turned two years old, but we quickly discovered that wasn’t true.  McKenna is still a puppy!  Constantly full of energy and looking to cause trouble, he torments Patton when she tries to nap or do anything else that doesn’t involve playing with him.

The first picture I managed to get of the two dogs raised my suspicions about McKenna:

Yeah, my camera phone sucks. But you can see the spooky eyes on McKenna.

I didn’t worry about it too much, I just figured green eyes was sort of the canine equivalent of red eyes on humans in photographs.

But then I caught this pic while they were playing tug of war one night:

Are those laser beams coming out of his eyes???

Now that’s just freaky!

Fast forward to last night.  My girlfriend has recently had ACL surgery and is not very mobile, which has left me in charge of most of the household chores.  (The apartment looks like shit as a result, but that’s a different story.)  So, as I was taking a load of laundry down the stairs, McKenna tried to rush past me and swept my leg out from under me.

I went down hard.  Laundry basket flying, clothes spewing into the air.  Landing on my ass, bruising my tailbone, my back, my thigh, my shin, and getting a nasty rugburn on my arm.  McKenna, meanhwile, thought this was some sort of new game, going nuts over all the clothes strewn up and down the stairs.

And as I laid there, gasping for air and writhing in pain, I could only think that my dog really is a demon.  And he might just be trying to kill me.




  1. Maybe because you gave the girl dog a badass name and him the girl name…

  2. McKenna is named after one of the great alcoholics of our time, Steve McKenna from Drinking Made Easy.

  3. Oh yeah….I would check your life insurance and sleep with one eye open.

  4. It could be that my iphone flash is iffy… but then again Roxy was NOT a fan of McKenna and well, Roxy is trying to take over the world.

  5. Your dog is clearly a demon and will kill you. Slowly and in the night.

    Or it just has very piercing eyes, either way. c

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