A Short Story About Jesus

Back when I was in college (way back in the 20th Century), I was a nerd and a loser and I didn’t drink.  Which is probably 80% of the reason why I never got laid even once in college (don’t worry, I’ll tell that story another time).  But that doesn’t mean I didn’t go out.  On the contrary, I hit the bars every weekend, most every Thursday, and usually a night or two during the week too.  In other words, with the exception of not drinking until my eyeballs bled, I was just like every other college kid.

One night my buddy Gotham and I were standing in line to get into one of the shithole dive bars on campus.  Most of the people in line were either coming from another bar or had already started drinking in their dorm or apartment or frat house.  In other words, we were mostly a bunch of drunken belligerent fools.

So it seems like it would be a bad time for someone to try and spread the gospel of Jesus Christ.  But, for whatever reason, one of the campus Christian groups (see, there were kids dorkier than me!) had decided to make the rounds that night to save souls.

As we stood there in line, some of these happy Christians approached us.  They had a big box of hot dogs that they started handing out.  Not being a full blown alcoholic yet, I didn’t understand how hungry booze can make a man.  The drunks tore into the box of hot dogs with the intensity of a pack of rabid wolves.  It was so crazy I barely managed to score one for myself.

Ripping into the aluminum foil, the drunks began devouring the hot dogs with nary a word.  Most of the hot dogs were probably half-eaten before one drunk finally stopped to ask around a mouthful of hot dog, “Who are these from?”

The happy Christian holding the now-empty box smiled and answered, “They’re from Jesus.”

The answer from one of the drunks will live in my mind forever:

“Well, did Jesus bring any ketchup???”

Fucking priceless.



  1. A Short Story About Jesus…

    I found your entry interesting do I’ve added a Trackback to it on my weblog :)…

  2. Jesus should know better than to serve hot dogs without ketchup. Amateur.

  3. Awesome!!!

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