Boba Fett, Apollo Creed and Luca Brasi Walk Into a Bar…


Ok, ok, I admit it.  The title of this blog is a shameless attempt to drive internet searches to my site.  But I do have a serious point to make.  Have you ever seen a movie where a minor character just jumps out at you and makes you wish the whole movie was about them?  Or at least that there would be a spin off to delve further into their bad-assedness?  I’ve put together my Top 5 list of such characters.

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Honorable Mention: Frank The Tank —

This one was actually a little tough for me, because since this iconic character Will Farrell has gone on to be the lead in several movies (Anchorman, Talladega Nights, Step Brothers) that don’t even come close to the high comedy of Frank The Tank in Old School.  I’ve come to the conclusion that Ferrell isn’t really cut out to be a leading man, he’s better as a sidekick.  And that’s why he doesn’t make the list.

But… if ever there was a Ferrell character that could carry a movie, it’s gotta be Frank The Tank.  Who wouldn’t want to see more of the screaming, streaking, beer bonging life of the party?

Best Quote: “It’s so good!  Once it hits your lips it’s so good!”

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5. Otto West —

The classic stereotype of the “ignorant American.”  If you haven’t seen A Fish Called Wanda you’re missing out.  Obnoxious, full of himself, unable to drive on the right, er, left side of the road, Otto is an inspiration and role model to all Americans who know we’re better than everyone else everywhere.  So don’t call me stupid.

Best Quote: “Oh, you English are so superior, aren’t you? Well, would you like to know what you’d be without us, the good ol’ U.S. of A. to protect you? I’ll tell you. The smallest fucking province in the Russian Empire, that’s what! So don’t call me stupid, lady. Just thank me.”

4. Fenster & McManus —

Cheating a little bit here by using two characters, but other than Keyser Soze himself who do you remember most from The Usual Suspects?  Such an odd pairing, the flaming gay Fenster; and McManus, the kind of violent criminal who seems more likely to perpetrate hate crimes against gays than partner up with them.  If they could get the same writer I’d love to see how these two criminals came to be so tight.

Best Quote (McManus): “Gimme the fuckin’ keys you fuckin’ cocksucker motherfucker alaghhhh!”

Best quote: (Fenster): “Oh, is that the one about the hooker with the dysentery?”

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3. Boba Fett —

No, I’m not a Star Wars nerd.  I mean, I like the movies and all, but I’m not obsessed with them or any other sci-fi flick for that matter.  But Boba Fett is still pretty bad ass (although he was admittedly more so before the second trilogy kind of douched him and his dad up).  Think about it, Boba Fett is the only character besides the Emperor that ever popped off to Vader and didn’t get immediately Jedi-choked.  He’s also the only character that Vader ever had to warn not to be too violent (“No disintegrations.”).  All in all, Boba is really the only anti-hero in the series, despite the best efforts to make Han Solo into one.

Best Quote: Not many to choose from, but we’ll go with “He’s no good to me dead.”

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2. Luca Brasi —

How tough do you have to be to be the chief enforcer for Don Corleone?  How tough do you have to be to scare the Godfather himself?  Pretty goddamn tough I’m guessing.  Luca is big, imposing, none-too-bright, and just reeks of violence.  If you’ve read Mario Puzo’s novel, where Luca’s backstory is elaborated upon a bit, you know he’s also pretty much a sociopath (I won’t give it all away, but let’s just say there’s a baby stuffed into an oven).  I’d pay to watch him kill people for two hours.

Best Quote: “Don Corleone, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your daught– ter’s wedding… on the day of your daughter’s wedding.  And I hope that their first child will be a masculine child.”

1. Apollo Creed —

Apollo is by far my favorite supporting character in all of movies.  He’s just so complex; think about it, we see a new side of him in every movie.  In the original Rocky he’s the heavyweight champion of the world; undefeated, never been knocked down and never had anyone go the distance against him.  He’s smart, educated, a businessman conscious of his brand.  He harbors no ill will towards Rocky, it’s just a marketing stunt.  Until… After the toughest fight of his career, his legacy threatened, Apollo becomes nasty in Rocky II.  Now he’s the ultimate bad guy athlete, determined to defend his legacy, everything else be damned.  By Rocky III, now retired, he shows his compassion by befriending his once-nemesis, helping Rocky climb back on top.  And to top it all off, come Rocky IV he proves himself to be not only a family man and a good friend but a patriot as well.  (Who would’ve thought, when you saw him dressed as George Washington in the original Rocky, that it was more than just a marketing stunt?)  When he dies in the ring at the hands of Drago it is a truly gut-wrenching moment.

Best Quote: “Get your cameras ready, he’s goin’ down!”

Well, that’s my list.  Who would you like to see?

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2 Comments

  1. I agree about Frank the Tank. He’s freakin’ awesome! 🙂

  2. What about Derek the brother from Step Brother?


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