The End

To modify a phrase from our esteemed First Lady, For the first time in my life I’m ashamed to be an American.

Yesterday was the surest sign I’ve seen that this country is lost.  And for the first time I’m not sure we can ever win her back.

The worst President in the history of our country, who added trillions of dollars in debt, who lied about pulling us out of one war while sticking our noses in multiple other regional conflicts (usually on the wrong side).  Who didn’t improve our economy one iota in four years.  Who saddled us with a socialized medicine program that is destined to fail just as badly as every other attempt across the world.


This country is well and truly fucked.  And you know what?  We deserve it.

I don’t know what to do next.

And that’s why I’m going on sabbatical.  Until I know what the fuck to do with my life and with my country I’m not going to waste time writing frivolous shit.  I’ll re-post some of my old stories from time to time so the page doesn’t go totally dark (does WordPress shut down blogs if they go dormant??), but for now I have nothing new to say that won’t just be angry, violent, possibly illegal ranting and calling to arms.

So good-bye for now.  Good luck to all of you.  I’m getting a gun tomorrow.


Another Year, Another Dead Pool

I came up just short this past year, finishing 2nd.  (I still can’t believe I couldn’t get a single member of Jersey Shore to keel over for me.  Guess all that talk about being good wingmen and “jumping on grenades” is just for show.)

I’d like to thank Joe Paterno, Rodney King and, of course, convicted terrorist Abdelbaset ali al-Megrahi for keeling over for me last year.  Thanks for being team players.

But enough about last year.  It’s a new season and 2nd place isn’t going to cut it anymore.  So this year I’ve compiled a deep and talented roster to carry me to victory.  Last year I went for too many deep balls, neglecting the short passes and running game that’s essential to moving the football.  I’ve corrected that this year with nine people over the age of 80.  Won’t get as many points as when some young celeb overdoses on bath salts, but they’ll keep the chains moving until I hit the big pay day.

For those of you keeping track at home, here’s my list for 2013.  Enjoy!

Special thanks to the fine folks at Hookers & Booze for putting on the Dead Pool again this year.

Greg Louganis 01/29/1960 Still Alive 48 Approved
Bashar al-Assad 09/11/1965 Still Alive 53 Approved
Jerry Sandusky 01/26/1944 Still Alive 32 Approved
Harper Lee 04/28/1926 Still Alive 14 Approved
Zsa Zsa Gabor 02/06/1917 Still Alive 5 Approved
Billy Graham 11/07/1918 Still Alive 6 Approved
Bill Ayers 12/26/1944 Still Alive 32 Approved
Kim Jong-un 01/08/1983 Still Alive 71 Approved
Hamad Al Khalifa 01/28/1950 Still Alive 38 Approved
Silvio Berlusconi 09/29/1936 Still Alive 24 Approved
Prince Harry 09/15/1984 Still Alive 72 Approved
Stephen Hawking 01/08/1942 Still Alive 30 Approved
Omar Abdel-Rahman 05/03/1938 Still Alive 26 Approved
Pat Summitt 06/14/1952 Still Alive 40 Approved
Mikhail Gorbachev 03/02/1931 Still Alive 19 Approved
Dick Van Dyke 12/13/1925 Still Alive 13 Approved
Fidel Castro 08/13/1926 Still Alive 14 Approved
Jake Lamotta 07/10/1922 Still Alive 10 Approved
Robert Mugabe 02/21/1924 Still Alive 12 Approved
Bret Michaels 03/15/1963 Still Alive 51 Approved
Tariq Aziz 04/28/1936 Still Alive 24 Approved
muhammad ali 01/17/1942 Still Alive 30 Approved
Ronald Gray 01/01/1966 Still Alive 54 Approved
Chuck Berry 10/18/1926 Still Alive 14 Approved
Dwayne (Lil Wayne) Carter 09/27/1982 Still Alive 70 Approved

No More Baseball for 5 Months!


Random Thoughts, Rants and Gripes

Just some random things I’ve been thinking about lately…

  • I’m not usually one to take pleasure in athletes’ injuries, but I couldn’t help but smile when I heard Ray Lewis is out for the year.  Despite the fact that Lewis has become the media darling this year, pimping everything from Old Spice to Visa to the newest Madden video game, let’s not ever forget that he was involved in a double murder back in 2000.  Lewis eventually plead his way down to obstruction of justice by testifying against his two accomplices, but there’s little doubt he was involved, and his bloody suit from that night has still never been found.  So I don’t feel even a little bit bad cheering for his injury.  Here’s hoping his career is over and he never rakes in another payday for being a public spokesman.

  • Speaking of Ray Lewis, has anyone noticed that as long as someone is a great artist they can be just about as bad a human being as they want?  Lewis, Roman Polanski, Michael Vick, the list goes on and on.


  • Vick, by the way, recently confirmed reports that he now owns a dog.  Apparently he was barred from owning a dog only as long as he was still on probation for his part in a dogfighting ring.  Well, isn’t that just great?  Gotta love our justice system, if Hitler was alive today they’d probably let him have a pet Jew.


  • Doesn’t it just fucking figure that, now that I’m living in a hockey market for the first time in my life, the NHL is on lockout?  Guess I’ll have to settle for college hockey for the forseeable future.


  • The Presidential election is heating up and I for one am fired up for election night.  I’ll be glued to the TV with a case of beer and probably a ordered pizza, checking off the states like watching a ballgame.  And if, God willing, things start turning in Romney’s favor, I’ll be flipping over to MSNBC to watch Chirs Matthews and Rachel Maddow melt down.  I’ll probably double MSNBC’s viewership, but it’ll be worth it!

  • As is usally the case, I’m a few years behind on hot trends.  But I just finished reading World War Z and I would highly recommend it to anyone.  I’m not much of a horror fan (although I do love The Walking Dead), but World War Z does an amazing job of not only telling a zombie horror story but also exploring the geopolitical implications of any worldwide plague or cataclysmic event.  I suspect the movie (coming next summer, starring Brad Pitt) will focus on the action and skip most of the politics, so give the book a read before the movie comes out.


  • I am officially a resident of the state of Minnesota now.  Took about four weeks to get my new license mailed to me, and getting my car registered was an even bigger fiasco.  I’ve even registered to vote, although I haven’t gotten my confirmation yet, so still crossing my fingers that I’ll be able to waste my vote in the state that Al Franken stole through fraud in his 2008 Senate race.

  • I heard a great joke the other day on Twitter.  Tips for giving the perfect hand job.  Step One: Use your mouth!

Have a great weekend!

I Have a New Nemesis

…And its name is Amtrak.

I’m writing this from an Amtrak train right now.

I’ve been trying to get from Minneapolis to Champaign, Illinois since 7:30 this morning. I’m still not there. I’m not even to Chicago yet, where I had a scheduled 4-hour layover. But this train is running so late I’m going to miss that connection. And the rocket scientists at Amtrak want to put me on a bus. A bus that won’t get to Champaign until probably 1 in the morning. That’s 18 hours to make a journey a car could do in 7 and a half.

And people wonder why Amtrak is bankrupt.

Well fuck that, I’m not sittin’ on a fuckin’ bus all night like some homeless person. I’m crashin’ with a buddy in Chicago, gonna get drunk and hitch a ride with someone in the morning.

And next week I’m gonna declare blog war on Amtrak!

No More Memorials, Part 2

It’s not very often that I thank Muslims for anything.  But I have to give my heartfelt thanks to the animals in Libya and Egypt that validated everything I wrote yesterday.

Once again, Islam has proven itself incompatible with the rest of the civilized world.  Once again, they have proven that there are only two choices left to us: 1) Give up our most fundamental freedoms, such as the First Amendment, to avoid angering a rabidly violent and backward people.  Or 2) fucking take them out.

Make no mistake about it, this is a clash of civilizations, of values, of the very evolution of mankind.  Will we go backwards as a society, giving up the freedom of speech, of expression, of civilized debate?  Or will we finally stand up and say enough is enough, that Islam has had 13 centuries to evolve and has steadfastly refused  to move in the direction of tolerance and peace?

I can already hear the pussified left (and equally pussified right) out there calling me a bigot, a warmonger, a proponent of genocide.  But let me ask you, are there still Japanese walking the earth today?  What about Germans?  Didn’t we wage war on them just 70 years ago?  And didn’t our own President (a Democrat, by the way) publicly state that the only acceptable outcome to that war was “unconditional surrender?”  And yet, somehow we didn’t have to wipe every German, Japanese and Italian off the face of the earth.

(*Side note: Take a little time and research what side most Muslims were on during World War II.  Islamists and Nazis have always been in bed together.  Read more here.)

So when I say we have to go to war with Islam, that does not mean I am advocating the extermination of all Muslims on this earth.  Just like my German grandfather served in the US Army during World War II, many Muslims will no doubt decide to throw their lot in with the side of freedom, tolerance and human rights.  But it does mean that all Muslims will, at least until vetted, be suspect.  Because we can no longer afford to be so naive as to think that all Muslims in this country are on our side.  Indeed, even Muslims serving in our armed forces have shown that they can be our sworn enemies (see Nidal Malik Hasan, the Fort Hood shooter, or Asan Akbar.)

Yes, all Muslims here in the United States must be vetted.  Because we have been asleep at the wheel for far too long, we have stuck our heads in the sand while “peace-loving” Muslims like Hesham Hadayet, John Allen Muhammed and Lee Boyd Malvo, Mohammed Taheri-Azar, Naveed Afzal Haq, Rashid Baz, Omeed Aziz Popal and countless others have been waging war against us.  A war the government, both Republicans and Democrats, have tried to sweep under the rug with the complicity of the mainstream media.

The time for talking is over.  The time for memorials is still in the future.  After we have finished the job.  Now is the time for war.

No More Memorials

Today marks the 11th anniversary of 9/11, which means you have probably spent about 98% of your day being bombarded with eulogies, remembrances, moments of silence, somber reflections, and heartfelt pontifications on one of the most sinister attacks ever on our nation.

Well, not here.  I’m done with memorializing 9/11.

Because I’m tired of empty words and emptier promises.  I’m sick of snivelling, whiny pussies talking about the tragedy of 9/11.  9/11 was not a tragedy, it was an outrage.  It was a war crime.  A tragedy is when someone comes down with some inexplicable disease for no discernible reason.  This was an attack, perpetrated by an evil religion that hasn’t evolved one iota from its inception 13 centuries ago.

Until this nation begins to take the war with Islam* seriously, paying tribute to the victims of 9/11 is like paying tribute to a murder victim while steadfastly refusing to investigate their killer.

Do you think our grandparents stopped on December 7th, 1944 to pay tribute to the victims of Pearl Harbor?  No, because they were too busy AVENGING it!!!!!!!!  The time for honoring and remembering and paying tribute is after you’ve made sure it won’t happen again.  But somehow this generation has missed that step.  We’ve gone straight from getting kicked in the nuts to remembering how bad it felt to get kicked in the nuts, without doing a goddamn thing to make sure we don’t get kicked in the nuts again.

I’ll rant more on this later, I just had to get that off my chest.

*Notice I didn’t say the War on Terror.  Make no mistake about it, this is a war of cultures.  On one side you have Islam, which is currently engaged in some form of terror and/or warfare on every inhabited continent in the world.  Muslims are currently waging “holy wars” against Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus, and every other religion that has dared to try and exist within shouting distance of the religion of Hate.  Islam is the one common denominator in roughly 95% of the world’s conflicts today.  At some point we have to put our political correctness aside and call a spade a spade.  Or, in this case, a Muslim a murdering soulless murderer bent on world domination.


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